Sly Cooper: Diary of a Theif Vol I
by Fragariaphobia
Summary: A firsthand view of "Sly Cooper in the Theivus Racconus" told by Sly himself.
1. Chapter 1

To whomever is reading this:

To whomever is reading this:

My name is Sly Cooper. This is my diary of innermost thoughts and feelings. I promise to guard this book with my life to keep it from ever being seen by the eyes of others. If you're reading this, I've lost, abandoned, or even just quit writing this book. I've always thought diaries were for little girls with problems or something. I decided to try it. I never really had anyone to just sit down and talk to about the way I feel about, well, everything. I have a lot to say hidden underneath my quick wit, I just never say it. Anyway, I'm a thief. No just a thief, a master thief from a family of thieves. Unfortunately, it's dwindled down to just me. My father's gone. It seems like such a long time since he died, but I'll never let go. A gang called the "Fiendish Five" murdered him. Along with his life, they also took my family's book of all our thieving techniques, tore out all the pages and fled. Cowards. They say boys don't cry unless they're wussies. I cried a lot. And I'm no wussy. I'm stealin' the book back. I've decided to quit living in fear. I always told my pals, Bentley and Murray, that I was going to do it one day. The truth is, I've always been scared. Very scared. They ganged up and killed my father. That's gonna land me in therapy in a few years, but still, it really freaked me out. Those guys are a team. A well-organized team. Don't get me wrong, my buddies know what they're doing, but they're not experienced like that. Sure, we did like four robberies. That is nothing compared to what thieves like the Fiendish Five can do. So here I sit, atop a roof a few blocks away from the Police Station, ready to get the case file on the gang. I'm waiting to receive the signal to head out on my headset. It's really tense, the whole city is silent, for the city of lights, and it sure is dark. I remember when I was scared of the dark. It wasn't fun. All the kids at the orphanage made fun of me for that. And for crying. I was basically "the guy with no friends that everyone avoids" until I met Bentley and Murray. They also had no friends, met by accident, almost. One day, while we were learning math, Murray was messin' around, sticking pencils in his nose, and Bentley and me were the only ones who cracked up. We all took the blame and had to stand in "the corner" for ten minutes. We were all in the same room, not a wise choice. Through the whole thing we were messing around and making jokes. Next thing you know, we see each other around more, talk to each other more, then we're the best of friends, we get to know each other, they told me where they came from, and I told them where I came from. To them, thieves were the coolest things imaginable. They still are. I just heard the signal. I need to leave. I guess I'll write back later. I guess.

Unbelievable. Truly mind-blowing. A clean, perfect getaway. I got the file, ran down the fire escape, went through the parking lot, and leaped into the back of the van. Of course, Inspector Carmelita Fox was right there chasing me the whole time. She really is lovely. And such a nice personality. I 'outta ask her out one day. I'd like to see the look on her face when I do. It'll be priceless. Well, the file has info on all the members. All of them. And their possible whereabouts. Ms. Ruby, Panda King, Raleigh, Muggshot, and even Clockwerk. We're going to work our way up, according to Bentley, take them out one-by-one. It sounds like a pretty good plan. I'm sitting here on my bed writing this. It's 7:00AM and the boys are sawing logs. I waited for about an hour to make sure they wouldn't catch me writing. I really would like to keep this book a secret. It feels wrong to keep secrets from my best friends, but this is personal. VERY personal. I've only written one other entry besides this one and I'm already getting defensive. It still feels good to write it all down. It's like taking to someone, only with the ability to throw it all away and never fear the consequences of it telling someone. When I've filled up all these pages, this thing's going bye-bye. It might take quite a while for that to happen. I might as well get some sleep. As soon as that clock hits 9, we're heading out to track down Raleigh, I know nothing about any of them, and I gotta read that file again. Better go to bed.

I can't sleep. I just can't. This is 15 minutes after I wrote that last entry. I just feel so small compared to the whole world. One second, I took off with a rare gem, feeling pleased with myself, the next, like I'm going to get squashed like the little bug that I am. That gang has all the information that I need to beat them. So I have to use what I already know, which is N-O-T-H-I-N-G. The part of me that thinks says to back down, but the part of me that does says to grab life by it's leash and hang on for dear life because it'll take you wherever it feels. Then there's this third part of me. It's strong, brave, a smooth talker, and pretty much everyone thinks I am. I mean, I am this person, but it just seems so hollow when I'm like that. I mean it, but I don't. I say these things knowing that I have the ability, but I feel like the whole world can just gang up on me and destroy me. Just like the Fiendish Five did to my father. I feel a bit better for writing this down. I guess I'll take some sleeping pills. Bentley and Murray can wake me when it's time to leave. I'll be a bit groggy at first, but with my friends at my side, their plans can't fail, and we will get the book back.


	2. Chapter 2

Here goes something

Here goes something. It's now 9 in the morning and we're getting ready to set off. I got dressed pretty fast, but I can barley hold this pencil to paper due to those sleeping pills I took. The excitement is what's keeping me from heading right back to sleep. We've got maps and all sorts of things downloaded and ready so there's no way we can fail. I feel as if the very few hours of sleep I've gotten have refreshed my confidence and courage. I'm ready! That's all there is to say. I feel like standing on our rooftop and screaming, "I'm ready!" as loud as I can. Of course large numbers of people will stop and stare, but that's not the point. I feel like I can finally do this. Well, I hear Murray calling my name. It's time to get in the van and get going. I probably won't write for another couple of hours, maybe not even a day or so, but I swear I will write again. And when I do, I'll have a section of the Theivius Raccoonus with me.

Success. Complete and utter perfection. We arrived late at night and it was big time raining because Raleigh had this storm machine type thing... anyway, I had to run through the grounds and make my way to this ship. And man, it was huge! There were guards, lots of them! Everywhere, and they even saw me a couple time and I had to run for my life. Then I was in the boiler room, shutting down machinery, and then I had to get all Raleigh's keys to unlock my only way up to his quarters, and it was amazing! I'm surprised it's even possible to write this fast, I'm trying to get all the info down and write more at the same time, I just can't believe it! I learned how to Ninja Spire jump, too! It's really, hard, I tried it, but I fell down, and Bentley and Murray were laughing, but that's okay, I still have loads of time to learn it. God, I've never been this excited in my whole life. My father is 1/5 of the way avenged. I even cracked some safes and found a few pages in there too! This is just incredible. I feel like a master thief. I've never done anything this complicated in my whole entire life. I just feel so happy today. We're hanging out in England for a little while, to congratulate a job well done on getting back the first section of the Theivius Raccoonus. I might have to put all the pages in chronological order, I noticed some of the other pages date before, and some a little while after the Ninja Spire jump. At least I can finally take a break. We rented out a hotel under false names. We're all messing around, but it's 10 at night here. We set off for America in 2 days. We're gonna take down that meathead, Muggshot. It's gonna be a crowded city down there, so I'll have to avoid being seen by citizens. If he's anything like Raleigh, it'll be a piece of cake. I hear at one point in his life, he was a runt. Heh. This might be easier than I thought. Seriously, reading what I just wrote and my previous entries, I think I regained some of my courage back. I was really scared, but once we got in motion, it's as if we're invincible. Well, until next time, I better get some sleep. We're going to swipe some gems tomorrow for our collection. Can't be tired for that.


	3. Chapter 3

Well, it's once again the day before we set off. I feel the same nerves I had the first time, only surrounded with a layer of confidence. I never thought I had the ability to do anything great. I always thought that I'd be "the little kid to weak to defend himself from the rest of the world". I know I'm more than that now. Way more than that. I'm sure my friends are feeling the success as well. This gonna be tough to keep us all together. The whole Clockwerk thing has nothing to do with either of them. It's about me. And I feel a little guilty about asking them to help me do something this big when they could just go on with their normal lives, well they could've had normal lives, but they're in far too deep now. On the bright side, I'm glad they're my friends. At the orphanage, I had NOBODY. No one liked me. At all. It was kinda depressing. I'm still glad they're my friends; I wouldn't trade 'em for anyone else. I have 4 hours to kill and I'm not trying the sleeping pills again, I'd like to be wide-awake for the defeat of Muggshot. That runt's going down. That's all there is to say.

4 in the morning. Murray's getting some gas and Bentley's reviewing the maps. I'm just sitting here, writing as usual. After I wrote that last entry, it took me about 10 minutes to completely pass out. I'm glad, now I'm ready to get cracking. I've been reading the section I got over and over, I still haven't gotten the hang of it entirely. I did it a couple times on some lamp posts, but then I slipped and landed flat on my back. I had to stop doing it for a little while. Once I get there, I'm sure they'll be an opportunity to do it. Murray's back, I hear the van pulling in. Time to go. Until next time.

It's 3 in the afternoon, scorching hot out, and the van is broken down in Arizona. We're so close to Utah it's not even funny. It will take about an hour to fix, we need an oil change and we need to repair a flat tire. I just told Bentley and Murray I was going to take a walk to stretch my legs for a bit. Really, I wandered away, and I'm hanging out underneath a saguaro cactus. This thing is pretty huge! The shadow it's casting is helping ease the heat. The plants around here smell pretty nice too. I love the desert, not as much as the city, but it's a pretty nice getaway. It may seem pretty silent at first, but if you listen for about 10 minutes, you can hear EVERYTHING. Birds flying overhead, ants walking across the sand, snakes in the ground, it's really nice. I 'outta come back here, eventually. My friends must think I'm crazy. I told them I wanted to go for a walk, and before they could say anything more, I broke into a fast sprint and ran. I better get going, don't want them to think I died and some vultures are picking at my remains. And I better help out, too. Later.

Muggshot was the biggest runt I had ever seen. The second I saw him; I remember one of the reasons why I was scared to do this in the first place. He made me feel like he could squash me with his thumb. I didn't let that stop me from kicking his butt and reclaiming another section of the Theivius Raccoonus, of course. Just because you spend your life working out and learning to fire a gun, doesn't mean you're all-powerful. It manes you're still a scrawny weakling on the inside. Picking on those who are weaker your whole life is a real smart choice. I'm glad Inspector Fox hauled him off to jail. He's locked away, never to be seen again. I'd pay him a visit just to taunt him one day. Through blind rage, he'd probably break down the cage bars and beat me to a pulp, but it'd be worth it. By the way, I ran into my dear friend Carmelita while rooftop hopping. It felt great to see her again. I hope to run into her later as well. We're getting ready to have some fun in America while we're here, then head down to Haiti to take on the next Fiendish Five member. My friends are calling, must be time to check out of the hotel room we got for the night and be on our way.


	4. Chapter 4

Well, it's hot and muggy right now, and the fog's really hard to see through. I'm in the back of the van "reading Ms. Ruby's case file". It's getting pretty close to night, perfect timing. She's got this whole swamp lair, and apparently has mastered the dark arts. Honestly, I've never believed in ghosts, voodoo, vampires, or any of that other weird stuff. It makes no sense at all. Even Bentley's believing it. What happened? Was there a stupid-gas leak or something? I don't see how any of it's possible! Worse, I even hear the cops are setting up barriers and keeping their distance. I'm SO scared of the freaky alligator woman and her creepy bone powder and witch doctors. Okay, so I am a bit scared of Ms. Ruby herself, but not so much of the voodoo stuff. She certainly does know how to give a punch. That's a haunting memory I'll never get rid of. I'm sure Murray's wondering why I need a pencil to read something, so I better quit for now.

Well. I guess I was wrong. Very wrong. Ghosts exist. And so do monsters. And giant spiders. I made it to the center of the swamp okay, but those keys to unlock the way. The living dead aren't really fond of intruders. Especially the ones that are trying to destroy their place. I'm shaking while writing this, ever since I was little, I never believed. And now, I'm ready to question everything. When you die, are you automatically evil? If you step on a grave, does the spirit haunt you? And then after a moment's thought when walking back: could my father have been a spirit? If this whole afterlife thing exists, could he have been there? I wish I knew, I really wanted to talk to him. It's hard on someone when try really hard for something, then just fail in the process. I hope we don't fail. I really don't. I just have no idea what I'd do with my life (if I'm still alive) if I just dropped down and lost. It's like a never-ending war with no sides, a free-for-all. Sure, you can have allies, but who's to say that something won't happen won't happen to them? Who's to say that you even have allies? What if you're all alone in the world? I swear, being alone, that's another fear of mine. Bentley and Murray are always there for me. Whether they are in the van while I'm somewhere, closely monitoring the situation or anything else, they're there. And I can tell they're there. When my father died, I knew that no one was there. No one was there to help me. To befriend me. To protect me. Even though I was a little kid, I just knew. I feel hungry and a bit depressed while writing this. We're hanging out at a beach somewhere in Mexico, I fell asleep in the van, wasn't paying much attention. I haven't really walked around, eaten, stolen anything, or had any fun since I defeated Ms. Ruby. Which was about 27 hours ago. Better head out and have some fun. And of course, unsuspecting tourists always leave their wallets unattended. And of course, I better find a place to put this book, I've kind of became attached to the idea that I can say whatever I want and no one will ever know. Until next time.


	5. Chapter 5

In 2 hours, it will be 10 PM

In 2 hours, it will be 10 PM. That's when we make our departure and head to China. Of course, we can't drive over water, so we have a series of ferries planned to get the van oversea, cover a lot of ground, then up into the mountains. It's going to be a long trip, which is why we're leaving at night, if timed correctly, we'll get there about the time we left the next day. The Panda King is going to pay. It makes me feel scared and horrified to say this, but he and Clockwerk were the two who pinned down my father and finished the job. I couldn't take my eyes away; I was frozen to the spot with the closet door half-open. I couldn't close the door, I couldn't run, blink, or close my eyes. Even still, I can see it happening in my sleep in the dead of the night, it just haunts me. I hate them. I hate them all. I was always told by my father "hate" is an extremely strong word. It's not good to hate. Well, I've always listened to the things my father said, but not this time. I'm not even going to try. I hate them, simple as that. I better get some rest, for now. It's better than sitting around writing about the things that disturb my sleep.

Bentley was a half-hour off on his calculations, but we're in China, about a few minutes away from our destination. Murray's really going nuts on this road, I'm surprised we haven't flown off by now. Ah, the road ends now and he's going to slam the brakes so I can get out. Better stop writing so my face doesn't hit the windshield.

All right, normally I don't just stop in the middle of what I'm doing, but The Panda King had crossed the line. Apparently my father isn't the only one he's ever killed. Just now, a whole village just got buried in snow from some fireworks. It came from his stronghold, and it was no accident. I swear, I'm probably not the only child he's ever orphaned, but that's about to change. This isn't about me anymore; it isn't about my father anymore. I've heard of large amounts of avalanches in this area, but this can explain it all. There's no way he's getting away with this one.

Victory. The Panda King tried to take me down with some moves he invented, but I was too quick for him. I didn't want to say it, but it wasn't for me, it was for my father, my ancestors, and all the people he's ever made suffer. I couldn't believe that he actually compared himself to me. Sure, we've both stolen a great number of things in our lives, and have irritated a large number of police officers, but he's taken his rage too far. He was outcast because of his appearance, not for his true skills. Society is full of cruel, cruel people sometimes. Honestly, I feel embarrassed to admit this, but I was the scum of the orphanage. No one wanted to adopt a dirty, rotten thief straight off the streets. They hated him for something he soon proved himself wrong about. They hated me for who I truly was and couldn't change. I was lonely, unwanted, and pretty much believed that what everyone thought was right. I was a nothing more than the world's smallest speck on the world's smallest insect. I know by now I've grown a lot stronger not only physically, but also mentally. I know what I can do now. We're spending two days in China before heading to Clockwerk's volcanic lair in Russia. He'll be pretty surprised to see that I'm not the little boy that he had once encountered. I have 4/5 of the Theivius Raccoonus in my possession and I'm taking the other piece back by force.


	6. Chapter 6

So here we are, driving down a path riddled with death to me our fate at the hands of Clockwerk

So here we are, driving down a path riddled with death to me our fate at the hands of Clockwerk. The air is hot and ash is floating in the air, making it extremely hard to breathe. The volcano Clockwerk has chosen as a lair is still active, even now as we get closer to the top, the bright glow of lava can be seen. Bentley assured us that he's 98 sure that it won't erupt. I'm still a bit nervous. The heat is intense and we had to get out the heavy-duty tires on the van so they wouldn't melt when we got to the top. I swear I could hear the horrible screech of an owl as we approached it. The pathway's blocked, so I better quit writing for now and help clear our way.

I cannot believe the events that took place over the last 6 hours. Clockwerk is gone. He won't harm another Cooper again. It was beyond amazing. Even Inspector Fox gave us a helping hand. Of course, being a gentleman, I showed her my gratitude, and being a thief, I showed her that she isn't catching me any time soon. And the Theivius Raccoonus. The whole reason we went after the Fiendish Five. It's now complete and back in the hands of the Cooper family. I gotta say, I still can't believe my friends helped me with a task of epic proportions. Truly the best I'll ever have. And writing in this book, too. That's helped me get stronger by admitting what I was afraid of. It's like having one person to talk to who would never tell anyone, judge me, or make a big deal over the fact that I was scared. Looking back on these pages, I can see how much I changed during this. It's a disappointment to say that what I'm writing on right now is the last page. Whenever I'm feeling alone, nervous, or just in need of someone to confess to, I know where to turn to.

-Sly Cooper


End file.
